I think my vagina is haunted
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
