i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
