Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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