i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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