the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize