They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
