the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize