Will you blow on my dice?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
