Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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