OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
