Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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