Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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