Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
