paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
now i know why i became what i already was.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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