How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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