No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
