I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize