I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
