we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
