you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
