I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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