there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
