i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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