Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
