just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
