There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
