i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She bit a glass in half.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
