He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
