I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
