My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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