just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
