In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
this boner is exhausting
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
