wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
