So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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