Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
