I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
