i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Sext me about skeletons
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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