My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
