Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
