i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize