put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
