I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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