8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
