She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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