Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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