At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize