were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think your dad took our porno
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have feelings that need drinking.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
