After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
