I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
