Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
