you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
