life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
