put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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