gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
