After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I love having hate sex.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
