Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize