Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
