She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
