why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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