literally had 100 drinks last night.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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