When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
