Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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