I want to walk on stilts...naked
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
