i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
