and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
what day is it and did you see me today?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
