But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
