just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
