Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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