I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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