I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
