The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
