A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
