I must be too annoying 4 u.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
