girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
